Charles Taylor writes in Malaise of Modernity that they are both wrong. The 'narcissism' that people see in 'individualism', and attribute to the 'me first' attitude is a distorted interpretation because they do not take the concept of 'self fulfillment' to mean 'being true to oneself' or being 'authentic'. They perceive individualism as the force causing loss of morality and value to human life. However, this is because they fail to see 'individualism' and its call to 'be true to oneself' as a moral value in itself.
This group feels that the 'me first' attitude makes the other in a relationship a tool of self actualisation. A relationship, therefore, works only as long as the individual self is gets what it wants. The moment this stops the relationship withers away.
The flaw in this argument is because they believe self development and identity creation to be a 'monologue'. Something formed through inward self reflection. Taylor states that the growth of our self or formation of identity is not due to 'monologues' but 'dialogues' with significant others. It is in conversation with those we are close to that we discover who we are and what we want. For this reason it is wrong to state that individualism is the cause of the break up, and dismantle of human relationships.
As for those who sing in praise of it, their views are anything but bang on target. Far from it, their very belief in 'relativism' (of truth, values, identities) causes an inability to discover the moral foundation of 'self authenticity', rendering them incapable of communicating and discussing their stance. For them, if Mr. A's values are different from those of Mr. B, then we need to respect them as they are. There is no basis of having a rational discourse here precisely because morals and values are relative. Rationality and morality have no meeting ground. Each is exclusive of the other. Mr. A is right because he believes so. Mr. B is also right because he stands firm in his convictions. Their beliefs are internal to them and as such beyond the arena of debate.
This refusal to see something that is transcendental to the Self - be it religion, history or politics - is what is causing the hollowing out of man. There are no significant horizons beyond those that we create for ourselves. Consequence - The world is flattened and stripped of its meaning...unless it is the meaning we ascribe to it. In such a world participation in causes beyond those of the Self has become increasingly difficult, relating to people harder and communicating feelings a prospect that may invite ridicule.
...to be continued